Friday, July 26, 2013

Five Minute Friday - Broken

Welcome to Five Minute Friday, where everything is made up and the points don't matter! Well, okay, so that was the intro to Whose Line Is It Anyway. But the idea still works! Just write for five minutes without worrying about if it's just right.

Today's word is Broken.


I feel broken. I really do. I make the same mistakes over again and wonder what's wrong with me.

Why do I ALWAYS spend too much money?
Because I like the idea of things, how they work, what they're for, how pretty they are. Even when I'm trying my very hardest to only get what I absolutely actually need and will use... I get too much. Ask me how many things I've bought and then returned the next day or the next week. I couldn't tell ya. Way too many. Thank God we CAN often return things.

Why do I feel perfectly fine one day, thinking I can climb a mountain or do any job well, and then the next day I have one of the horrible stomach aches and can barely even stand up long enough to take a shower or warm up some food in the microwave?
I've gotten these aches basically my whole life. The earliest one I remember was at seven years old. Docs can't figure it out, just shoving medicine at me and then saying, if that doesn't work, come back in two weeks and we'll try a different one. It's not my fault. But it sure does make me feel broken. And it certainly makes me feel terrible when I can't keep a job, can't bring in income, can't help by even doing the dishes and other things around the house.

Why do I get so overly excited about things that I put so much time, money, and effort into and eventually fall farther back down because of it?
Why can't I take cautious steps, figuring out what I CAN and SHOULD do before trying to do everything and then crashing and burning? I go all out with whatever home business I'm trying, buying business cards and signs and all kinds of products and supplies, without even knowing if I'll be any good at it or if anything will come of it. I sign up for this and that and make appointments here and there, then I get overwhelmed by all the things I have to do and places that I have to be and I end up missing everything or being so exhausted that I make myself sick and despise the things which I was previously so excited about.

Yeah. I feel broken. I have no clue what to do about it, other than take it to God and ask Him to fix me or use me anyway.

My sacrifice, O God, is a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart you, God, will not despise. Psalm 51:17 NIV

Going through the motions doesn’t please you, a flawless performance is nothing to you. I learned God-worship when my pride was shattered. Heart-shattered lives ready for love don’t for a moment escape God’s notice. Psalm 51:16-17 The Message

To be unbroken, what would that be?
If words that were spoken had not shattered me.
If I was unbroken, I'd never know
the beauty of hope and how far grace will go.
- Unbroken by ZOEgirl lyrics

Thanks for reading. I'm sure you figured out that that took me more than five minutes to write. Today, we're linking up on Lisa-Jo Baker's Facebook page, so click on over and read other posts on Broken. Plus, you can go to her blog to find out more about what Five Minute Friday is and how you can be a part of it! Just click on the button below.
Five Minute Friday

Friday, July 19, 2013

Five Minute Friday - Belong

Sorry I haven't done Five Minute Friday in a while... about a month. But here's one! Today's word is Belong.


I don't have my own words today, because all I can think of is this song by Switchfoot and what it means to not belong to this world.

It was a beautiful letdown when I crashed and burned,
when I found myself alone, unknown, and hurt.
It was a beautiful letdown the day I knew
that all the riches this world had to offer me would never do.
 In a world full of bitter pain and bitter doubts
I was trying so hard to fit in, until I found out
that I don't belong here.
I don't belong here.
I will carry a cross and a song where I don't belong.
I don't belong here.
I'm gonna set sight and set sail for the kingdom come,
Your kingdom come.
We are a beautiful letdown, painfully uncool,
the church of the dropouts and losers and sinners and failures and fools.
Let us sing one true tune -
I don't belong here.

For more posts on Belong, click here. To find out what Five Minute Friday is, how it got started, and how you can join in, click on the button! Hope you have a great weekend!
Five Minute Friday